last toe.

leasson learnt: the last toe is tiny but it plays very important role in balancing your whole body while walking. i tried to pretend that the pain's not there at all so that i could walk naturally without having other leg muscles working extra hard to compensate. but i failed because it still hurts. going to travel soon and i don't wanna lose to this little accident.

hermit.

第一次有這種症狀時是在日本念書時。當時是秋天吧。我把自己鎖在房里像癱了似地躺著，隔壁的兩個朋友猛打電話給我都不接，猛敲門都不開，就當我不在房里。若走在路上看見前方迎來個認識的，我馬上掉頭走。不想與任何人接觸，對任何事都不感興趣。當時自己也不明白為什麽這麽做。

後來的生活陸續有出現這種狀況。可是後來我無意間讀到一些資訊而明白了那是為什麽。那是輕微幽鬱症的症狀。不想讓人看見這一面所以躲起來了。不想讓聲音不小心透露出去，所以不接電話。活在都市里的大家都有這種經驗吧。

昨天，我躺了一整天。沒接電話。沒做什麽。

可以說我懶。明明是星期天，為什麽不去處理那一堆髒衣服，還有地上的塵該掃了廁所該洗了桌子該抹了書該整理了。

可是我一直閉著眼。閉眼中我睡了又醒。我依然閉著眼。好像只要閉著眼就能逃離現實。
左腦這時說，好，我只準你這麽沒出息地墮落到今晚。明天你給我好好做人。
右腦接著說，我很累。我他馬的太拼了。讓我墮落一下。明天起來我好好做人。

千萬，我不能失去對生命的熱誠。

太陽 • 月亮 • 上升

很久以前就聽說過,但直到最近才去探討什麽是太陽星座月亮星座與上升星座。才明白為什麽以前總不能認同我所屬的太陽星座所說的大部分特質。簡單來說，發現原來宅女是我的太陽星座特質，愛自由遠飛旅行是我的月亮星座特質，而我筆下陰暗神秘帶點邪惡的alter ego, Sophie Black, 則是我的上升星座特質。what a clashing combo.  膚淺地總結，聽起來我好像是一個邪惡又愛遠走高飛的宅女。啊，不。

the final view by seba jun

左腦 • 右腦

右腦很想兩袖清風地飛到遠遠去，
逃離不斷提醒她無情現實的左腦。
一向來懶惰的左腦其實並不想動，
但現在看來不得不由她掌控大局，
不然天真的右腦會被現實給催毀。
右腦她不想被控制也不想被催毀，
所以才想兩袖清風地飛到遠遠去。

排毒。

早上睜開了眼，天是陰的空氣是濕的。從喉嚨到肚子里有一種怪怪的感覺。這種感覺對我來說並不陌生。上次有這種感覺時，我身在一口深井里。這下可麻煩了，因為那是一種毒。千萬要冷靜。因為只能自救。經驗告訴我，必須在毒變得更毒並污染其他部分之前，把它硬吞下去並化為屁噗的一聲給放掉。

the finishing line

finally. thanks so much to those who lent me a helping hand. i have burnt and given all my love and passion to this baby more than i could. although it's hard to part with my new born baby. whatever happens after this, i'll leave it to fate. next, what shall i do?

the look of tiredness.

the finishing line is... i hope... not too far.

super in love with toe

變化如常。

有些變化看起來沒什麽改變。
有些改變不覺得有什麽變化。
出現。消失。如常。向前走。

see you in the dark.

i'm attracted to dark things but i'm afraid of watching horror movies and yet i'm attracted to the treatment of horror movie posters. maybe turning myself into one can help get rid of the fear in me.

做著做著。

當你每天埋頭猛做，做著做著做著做著做著你會懷疑自己他嗎的為了什麽。這個為了什麽在這個時侯很重要，因為這個什麽就是在你做得想死的時候推動你繼續做到終點。眼看著遙遠的前方這時你長嘆一聲停下來觀想一下（觀想兩下，三下，甚至很多下都行）站在那終點上美好的情景（起碼比你做得想死的時候美好），然後再振作起來硬擠出更多力氣去繼續做著做著做著做著做到終點。噢，別忘了看看路邊的風景。

blessings that we can't recognise.

A lion came across a group of cats having a chat. “I’m going to devour them,” he thought.

But then an odd feeling of calm came over him. And he decided to sit down with them and pay attention to what they were saying.

- Good God! – said one of the cats, without noticing the lion’s presence. – We have prayed all afternoon! We asked for the skies to rain mice on us!

- And so far nothing has happened! – said another. – I wonder if the Lord really exists.

The skies remained mute. And the cats lost their faith.

The lion rose and went on his way, thinking: “funny how things are. I was going to kill those animals, but God stopped me. And even so, they stopped believing in divine grace. They were so worried about what was missing that they did not even notice the protection they were given.”

more from Pablo Coelho's blog.

the bright side.

from now until then,
i should just focus
on sewing and reading.
forget about the issue of
earning no bread & butter.

武俠。

喜歡武俠里的血，黑暗。
環繞死肉的蒼蠅，寫實。
一張髒兮兮的臉，魅力。
她的一句晚上見，幸福。

時間飛逝過了那麽久我仍還沒思索出來。
這樣不顧一切不斷去旅行是不是很過份。

應該不會很過份。哈。

inevitable plastic!

went to super mart with two tote bags today. YET i still ended up bringing back a lot of plastic! bread, vege, milk, toilet rolls, detergent... every single item i bought was packed in plastic! sigh...

...and our mother earth has been enduring it quietly

Some sad articles about what we have done to mother earth:

"The ocean is now an endless trail of trash floating in the middle of the Pacific: water bottles, plastic crates, disposable diapers, bath toys, cigarette lighters, tampon applicators (styrofoam, too); a veritable buffet of convenience culture.”

"The discovery in 2002 was a wake-up call for marine scientists, who realised that plastic bags and other waste were one of the biggest threats to the whales, dolphins and turtles swimming around our shores. The minke was found on the Normandy coast. At first, it was assumed she had died of natural causes. When her stomach was cut open, scientists were amazed to find nearly two pounds of plastic bags, eaten by mistake as she searched for food. The 2lb haul included two plastic bags from English supermarkets, seven transparent plastic bags, and fragments from seven dustbin bags. In an ironic twist, one of the bags found in the gut of the dead whale appears to read: "We support good farm animal welfare." Most worrying of all, there was no proper food in her stomach. "

And...plastic garbage found in dead whale's stomach too...

And we have Great Pacific Garbage Patch (or Pacific Trash Vortex), which is is a gyre of marine litter formed by pelagic plastics, chemical sludge etc, in the central North Pacific Ocean. And a recent research sponsored by the National Science Foundation suggests the affected area may be twice the size of Texas!!!

Gosh! Since I had such awareness, I've started trying my best not to take any plastic carrier while making any purchase but I realised it's hard to avoid consuming plastic in our daily life. even i use my eco shopping bag for supermarket shopping, fruits like strawberries, kiwi, or vege are all packed in plastic. many items at our home are made of plastic.

A plastic bag that we use only for a short while takes 400 years to be dissolves. I really can't foresee how much longer our mother earth can take in such shit anymore...

Oh well... let's try not to take plastic bag when we make any purchase. I guess that's the least we can do for our mother earth. Plastic is suffocating!

a love song.

"Just looking in your heart all my life
I'm searchin' for you, my sweet baby
I'm not hurtin' good good feelin'
I know who I'll have in my mind"

this song has been on loop for N times on my play list.　全然飽きないぐらい。 it feels kind of bitter sweet.

夏。

taken with seagull at caramel cafe. love the lightness from overexposure! even though it was a mistake.

ミナ・ガール

i ❤ minä perhonen.

當政府是無情無義無惡不做的黑幫。

我不愛看報紙。可是曾經我每天都看報紙。那是在中學時期。後來我發現，報紙上大多都是壞消息。每次看報紙後，心情都很沉重，我就漸漸放棄這習慣了, 也厭惡政治。

曾經對馬來西亞充滿希望。當時首相馬哈迪2020的口號，感覺大家對國家進步與建設充滿干勁。後來漸漸長大，看見像豺狼般貪污的馬來警察，像死蛇般懶散的馬來政府官員，像豬般沒水準的馬來政治領袖，還有不公平的種族政策，讓我極之厭惡這無能的馬來政府。為什麽在自己的國家，感覺卻像是寄人籬下？在自己的國家被當二等公民，不如到外國做游民。多少被不公平對待的華裔父母鼓勵孩子們往外“逃”。至今旅居新加坡十多年了，雖然是寄人籬下，但是至少在這里我找到很多機會，也不覺得有被不友善地對待。而那愚蠢的馬來政府在國際上做過多少羞家的蠢事，讓我們這些在海外努力爭氣的游子們在別人面前尷尬不已。

馬來西亞對我來說，感覺就像熟悉的陌生人。當別人高喊我愛我國家時，我覺得他們好幸福。我覺得好悲哀因為我喊不出來。可是仔細想想也許我把國家和政府混繞了。如果我會感覺到沉重，或許因為我還愛著這曾經美麗純樸的國土。而我那麽痛恨那些豺狼死蛇和豬，是因為它們的貪濫自私愚蠢糟蹋了這原本潛力無窮的國家。

我由衷願望那些下流卑痞爛泥扶不上壁的無情無義無惡不做的豺狼死蛇和豬他馬的慘遭天煞!

自由自在。

有時思考很多因為害怕年紀的到來。
當它真正到來時卻是那麼安靜低調，
而且潛移默化地讓我們來不及察覺。
感覺自己好像還一樣又好像不一樣。

以前有自由但不怎麼自在。
如今不只自由還十分自在。

好事來的。 越來越好。

possess less part I :: shoes

to implement my "i-want-to-possess-less" principle, i have started from cleaning up my store room today. it's kind of a re-discovery of what i've been keeping, here's the shoes section:

i bought these many many years ago. looking at them now, i find them horribly sharp! but they did look the best during their era.

the grey "ballerina" was a wrong purchase, i hadn't even worn them once.
i was overwhelmed when i saw the one with embroidery. i had never seen one with such fine and soft materials back in those days. i seriously thought they were "art". haha... now time has passed and they just look normal.

i like flats with very shallow cutting.

black colour is basic. i wear this colour most of the time. yes, my feet are boring.

there was a period of time when i was super mesmerized with light gold shoes.

it's hard to find the right red colour tone on the right shoes but every girl should at least own a pair.

well, i do explore other colours. the lightly shinny blue flats are my fav for the moment. purple flats made with felt cloths, super comfy yet not easy to match. i realised mustard yellow flats are too tight for me when i got back to sg. i guess my feet shrank while i was in london. tsumori chisato's (the one with strings) are to experimental to wear. the green sandals somehow gives me a nostalgic feel. the greyish blue oxford shoes are present from my sis which i still donno how to macth.

i love casual so much that i wear flip flop most of the time. not all of the above but mostly the white ones with tatami base. yes my favourite. this is the Nth pair i bought from Accessorize!

i used to be a super Converse fan during teenage. i was very particular about the colour combination and even a different colour tag at the back of the shoes would make me buy them. but since years ago i started to switch to more feminine style, so these are the only few pairs i still keep. they are my best travel companion. they are classic.

comfy and warm leather boots/sneaker for travel during winter.

i have given away some and left with 32 pairs now. and i should stop buying shoes for now.

矛盾。

我要說的跟這照片沒關係。只不過我拍得太美了得把它放上。
我要說的是人生充滿矛盾。我想好好地活慢慢地做仔細感受。
可是賺錢機會又不能放過。因為某些現實的基本夢想需要錢。
我想說人生啊衝衝也匆匆。充滿矛盾充滿矛盾充滿無限矛盾。

what i want.

i cried in my dream last night. i donno why. but when i'm awake, i actually feel happy with my life. although there are many things to be achieved but i shall start with one thing first:


i want to possess less.



i'm not referring to money here. hahaha... i realise that i have too many unnecessary stuff around me. i should only keep those that is necessary. and when i get something that i need, i shall go for real good quality so that it will last long and no wastage.

we all should take only what we need from the earth.

peanut butter cuppie

one of my favourite cuppie at Caramel. catch it while you can.

可愛い魚屋さん ♥

went to visit Haru and i must say it's such joyful moments spent with this free spirited & inspiring family! it's pleasant to look at how Kaz & Les take care of Haru! with such care, no wonder Haru is not just an adorable baby but also a happy friendly baby and a baby with good taste!
♥ sayang sayang Haru ♥

map up the wall!

took this pic at a lovely cafe in greenwich (i'm so sorry i didn't check out the name). i simply love these wall papers! it reminds me that i used to love vintage maps very much during my teenage. one day i will have my own house with a wall all wrapped with the maps of countries that i have been. and oh, not forgetting the small flags from the ceiling as well!

捧上天的幸運

你們就笑我沒見過大場面吧！曾經，我嘆自己這一輩子都坐不起first class，可是...



天啊！



我真是托我媽的“阿金之處女遠遊世界”的福，竟然因為送行的阿姨意外地在機場遇上本機的pilot而被升級到first class！貴經濟倉整整有十倍的first class 有什麽不同呢？除了能降成180º的座椅，更大幅的絲制被子，靠窗一整排的收納櫃，分段為前菜與主菜地送上的機餐（可是沒分開serve甜品），其他也跟經濟倉差不多。但我還是很惜福地全程不睡，被喂得很飽加磕了四套電影。

我由衷地感恩老天！ （ ’ u ‘ )

原來有些曾經覺得不可能的事，是會發生的。

美好時光。

今天下午和母親到公園里走走，買了雪糕，薯片和啤酒，我們坐下，開始吃吃喝喝，看著經過的可愛小孩與狗，聽著風穿梭過樹葉的聲音，猶如瀑布傾洩而下，有的沒的地聊著。就這麼簡單，卻這麼美好。