1.5.18

你的陪伴其实是伤害


我们就到此为止吧
谢谢你多年的陪伴
消沉寂寞惆怅脆弱
烦恼压力放松满意
苦闷无聊灵感泉涌
你看过听过陪伴过
没有你我不知所措
你的存在曾是必然
我依赖着你的围绕
但是你的温柔有毒
我承担不起这代价

15年的陪伴
谢谢你掰掰





5.4.18




========================
一个夏天的下午,从学校回宿舍的火车厢里, 阳光从
车厢左边的窗挥洒进来并活泼地在地板上随着火车与
铁道碰撞出的节奏跳动着。三三两两的乘客零落地坐着,
有些打着盹,有些在阅读,有些发着呆,而我...应该是
边放空边看着他们吧。

到一段落,火车突然停了下,行驶员在微弱沙哑的广播器
里说了一些我没听清的话,紧接一片寂静。我盯着原本在
地板上活泼跳动而今像永恒般刻印在地板上的余晖,车厢
里的一切定格了。不久,一股沉稳但强大的力量,由下而
上地把火车轰隆隆地摇动起来。我们像摇篮里的婴儿任由
摆动,乘客中无人哼声。

震动停止后,寂静回归。当我意识到刚刚是地震时,窗外
传来一阵欢乐的夏祭民谣歌声,还有伴随着节奏的击掌声。
我转头往窗外一看,大概有五六个穿着夏祭服的男女,
在与火车轨道平行的小路上,踩着舞步排练着游行步伐,
祥和的气氛带些诡异。火车重新开动,我把视线重新拉回
车厢里,犹如刚才的定格没发生过一样,一切继续前行。



2004年大阪堺市上野芝町的风景咻咻流逝于车窗外。




5.3.18

放飛/克制




最近看了一堆綜藝
墮落極受不了自己
剩下唯一動力就是
投奔到大自然懷裡



佛道:
人所寻求的远方就在心里
凡间每日生活就是修道场

人道:
意義本身有意義嗎
沒有答案就是答案

現實:
請克制



打算安顿一个窝给自己後
就不顧一切到远方去飘流
这想法真是好讽刺好矛盾










遙不可及



どうしよう?
どうしよう?
どうしよう?
どうしようもない


一度天の川銀河を見たい

4.3.18

偶然的久違


每一個人也許都會有這種時候
就是偶然地聽到某一首久違的歌或音樂
胸口不禁有些燜心臟有點似痛非痛
也許腦海會浮現一些昔日的模糊的回憶
但是你不知道確實具體是什麼
有些恍惚有些超現實難以說明
這種只能自己和自己分享的感覺
我總是表現淡定雖然其實不知所措
像在高鐵裡隔著窗看見外面咻咻飄過的
那道在生命中曾經非常在意非常熟悉的
但已回不去的風景
如果猝不及防地被那風景勾走了
你必須及時把它抓回放進胸腔裡
因為在時間的高鐵裡你只能向前




20.2.18

嗨,我自己




妳好久没blog了
也许以后应该多回来这里
因为这里比较冷清比较静

FB早就可以关了
就算一个月才去哪儿刷一次
也不觉得有错过什么新鲜事

IG太多人看了
不想在那掏心掏肺

一直以来训练自己左脑控制右脑
渐渐好像也养成习惯了
妳以为这样很好,内心变强大了
能把情绪感受控制在理性范围内
但另一方面觉得自己
情感越来越独立的同时
人好像变得越来越冷漠

前晚,妳被提醒一件重要的事
有理性认知来控制情感是很好
但别一味否定或不理这些情感

对啊,这些妳是知道的
竟然忘了

妳还是好弱哦
别再责备自己了
每天都在各种责备自己中度过
妳不累吗



麻木是一层茧
剥开以下血肉模糊


19.2.18

we grew apart,

and can hardly communicate,
but i still love you all.

'have you given yourself silence before?'


‘是静坐的意思吗?’
‘嗯,我们来试试吧,8分钟?’
‘ok。’
‘妳会有各种思绪浮现,但别急,
别被它们带走,让它们飘走。’
‘好。’
‘开始吧。’

她闭上了眼,听着音乐里混着各种周围的杂音,
似乎看见了水池,池里有花,有波光。
接着是爸爸年轻的脸,小孩的自己,
再来妈妈的脸,弟弟的,妹妹的,
还有外婆的。
鼻腔里一塞,两道眼泪滑了下来。
这并不是世代诅咒,弟弟you will be ok。

‘给自己10秒,慢慢张开眼。’

8分钟过去了。




我躺着
我躺着
我躺着
我躺着
我躺着
我躺着
并看着
白驹它
跨越我

27.11.16

差點忘了

已享受過這美妙感覺了


3.1.16


今天寧晨,我哭醒了。
才發覺好像對很多事麻木的自己,
其實把很多傷感和恐懼都丟在一角不理。

我不想再一次陷入憂鬱裡。




9.7.13


今日までやって来た自分を記念する為に。 ジンセイって、本当にあっという間だな。

17.6.13

沒說的不代表沒有。
說了的也不一定有。

“你一定是前世欠了他吧。”
“也許我的前世里,沒人欠過我。”

11.6.13

寂寞與幽默。





































照片里的人到底貞子還是我本人呢
其實恐怕連我自己都分不太清楚了
也許大家看見的只不過是
“啊,好恐怖。”  或
“她做這些是想幹嘛?”  或
“噢,還在搞這個啊?”

其實我在意別人怎麼看她(我)
也不在在意別人怎麼看她(我)
很矛盾吧對啦是很矛盾啦沒錯
應該說我在意我在意的人怎麼看她
但是不在意我不在意的人怎麼看她

也許大家只看見她外表的怪與恐怖
其實我希望你看見她的寂寞與幽默
因為沒有幽默感是很難熬過寂寞的
還有她的含蓄與直接兼老成與幼稚
又很矛盾是吧沒辦法啦她就是這樣

對我來說她伴我渡過最寂寞的低潮
起碼她是當時覺得人生無意義的我
每天起床的動力與部分的精神寄托
那些日子我都把自己猛投入進去了
雖然我的人生其實也不是說超級苦

有時我會以第三者角度看這些照片
並且想像她究竟是一個怎樣的女人
然後發現也許自己做這些有的沒的
只不過是卑微地害怕自己會被遺忘
想為自己留下一些曾經活過的足跡

說到底也不是什麼重要的天下大事
大家都一樣而我也不過是其中之一
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 (在干笑什麼)

就這樣






29.3.13

有時候這太過殘酷的世界讓我覺得美好與可愛很虛假。

4.8.12

30% of detachment.







the only thing i remember what my primary school principal taught.

one morning, we were making noises at our desks before the bell rings.
out of nowhere, he came to us, this bunch of 10-year-old kids,
he sighed (in my memory) and said,
"as an individual, we should always keep at least 30% distance from anybody, 
even the one you love most or the one whom you are closest with."
and then he left.
and then we continued making noises as if nothing has happened.

few years ago, i recalled this.
and i think it's so true.

that 30% of detachment is what makes any relationship better.
for yourself and for the other individual.

the big bang and clash.





nothing lasts.
tat's why you have to be positive.
i know. it sounds contradictory.
but this life, this universe is the product of one.
or 'balance' wouldn't have existed.

25.7.12

這種厭惡的感覺隨我的心跳傳到大腦再向全身迅速散發。
以至於當我在逼自己做時有一種呼吸困難和發抖的感覺。
我不確定這是不是幻覺但我就是厭惡它到這可怕的程度。

23.7.12

嗯,醒來了。 天黑了。 不在。 然後呢? ...... 開燈吧。

迷失遊牧民族首篇粗糙三字經。

人飄渡/歸何處/此孤獨/與無助/鮮表露/怎坦訴/望遠空/挑哪星/遊牧族/都忍住

3.7.12

it's been a long while...


i think i've changed a little.
there are some plans ahead.
hope they will turn out nice.

1.6.12

under a tree.

she dressed herself up and walked and walked...
and she came to a bench under a tree and so she sat down.
watching some people passing by, 
she could almost feel the flow of time passing through her toes quietly.
after staring at the shadow of the tree on the ground for a while,
she looked at the clock in the phone and suddenly felt lost about what to do next.
she checked her contact list in the phone and not sure who she could/should call.

she hoped, at least, it was an apple tree where she was sitting under.
maybe an apple tree could be much more inspiring.

but the reality is, whether you like it or not.
it's not an apple tree.

ok. it's irrelevant.

23.4.12

cool music nice video, but the below is even better. i like the irrelevance.

21.4.12

いつか

あの日が

いつの間にか

くる。
...and it's...when you dare to be vulnerable.

2.4.12

dawn




21.3.12

sadako's travel photo diary.















wherever i go, it is still there.
i failed to get rid of it.

16.2.12

crystals.

i love reading wise quotations, it's like appreciating the most delicate crystal with a gasp. afterall, all enlightenment could only be gained after the long process of struggling with pressure and pain in life.

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go... And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."
- Gloria Naylor

"Take hold lightly; let go lightly. This is one of the great secrets of felicity in love."
- Spanish Proverb

"My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that 'achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that's nice, too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success.' "
- Helen Hayes

"Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live."
- Margaret Fuller

"Human pain does not let go of its grip at one point in time. Rather, it works its way out of our consciousness over time. There is a season of sadness. A season of anger. A season of tranquility. A season of hope."
- Robert Veninga

12.2.12

little pleasure (never mind if it won't last)

darkest (and it's always there).

"reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
- albert einstein

無敵。

以平常心,
而無所謂,
而無期望。
而無爭。
而無惱。
而無敵。

9.2.12

unpredictable.


just when you think that you're gonna be very busy, nothing happens.
just when you think that it'll be very quiet, all of them rush in.

28.1.12

the side of me that is strange to me.

have you ever been surprised by yourself when you discover a side of yourself which you never knew before?

26.1.12

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.”

— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

向前向上。

頭也不回。

14.1.12

低調的參與。

went to art stage singapore. hmmm... i wish i can do big scale sculpture one day...